Balance

Disclaimer: Many of the views expressed in the following blog will closely resemble the regurgitation of several hippie clichés and mindless platitudes.

Balance. Even the word itself is balanced, three letters equally hanging on each end of a nice, round vowel. Both noun and verb, you can almost feel the inherent harmony that exudes from every crevice of these seven letters. And yet, despite our instinctive knowledge of the importance of balance, it commands so little respect in contemporary mainstream American life.

Let me begin by openly acknowledging my own hypocrisy on this issue. I am, afterall, a budding therapist, and thus the ability to spew advice for others and ignore it in my own life comes naturally to me. Balance plays an interesting role in my life. As any graduate student can attest, some days there is simply no way to balance. After 14 hours in class, office hours, coffee, meetings, supervision, more coffee, sessions, homework, more meetings, and finally more homework, where would one find time for, say, sleep? Not only do we affect the balance of our own lives, but even the lives of those around us become unbalanced simply from being subject to our ridiculous schedules. And yet, despite knowing what consequences await us when we get out of balance, we "willingly" engage in these activities day in and day out.

This phenomenon is not unique to students. In fact, the American workday is impinging further and further into our home lives. Fifty to sixty hour work weeks are not uncommon. We all make little sacrifices, be it exercise, rest, reading a book, seeing a friend, or simply relaxing on the couch. At what cost do we accept these sacrifices? Therapists have a word for it: Burnout. The undeniable sense that resembles, as my friends at Lummi taught me, a case of the fuck-it's. We trudge through our days with the hope that at some point, we'll reach some ultimate point where we can finally put our feet up and declare that we've arrived. I believe such a place exists. Unfortunately, it's when we're dead.

I largely blame technology for this encroachment into our personal space. Remember about 15 years ago, it was an unbelievable technological feat to talk to someone on the phone while you were in the car? I remember at eight or nine years old riding with the Bolings and watching Tom talk on his car phone. How convenient that we could talk and drive! Now we of course know that we're not particularly good at either of those activities when combined, but the point is that with the expansion of technology into cell phones that took pictures, and then had instant messaging, and then could access email, and now I think they cook you breakfast, we accept every innovation at the cost of balance. My students are incensed when their Friday afternoon question isn't answered until Monday because I haven't checked my email. I like being helpful, and it sucks that they have to wait, but my space (my real space, not myspace) is becoming increasingly precious to me.

I'm reminded of a scene from American History X when Edward Norton, newly assigned to the prison laundry, hurries angrily through a pile of clean boxer shorts, folding and tossing them as he goes. This proceeds at the frustration of his work partner attempts to slow him down and get him to relax. He says something along the lines of, "It doesn't matter how fast you fold 'em, there's always gonna be more." No matter how long we labor, or how much work we get done on vacations, or how quickly we can respond with our iPhones, the work only ends when we're dead.

We must find a way to balance our lives. I covet the European sense of "holidays" that last a month. We take an extra Monday on a 3-day weekend (likely filled chores and catching up on more work) and delight ourselves in the freedom. But unless we actively create time for rest, relaxation, meditation, reflection, family time, or going outside, the work will continue to press into our 6 hours of daily life we spend away from our offices.

So I encourage you all to challenge your routines. How much of your life are you sacrificing at the hands of technology? How many games of Monopoly are you missing with your friends and family because you've got a few emails to answer? How many drives in the dark, movies on the couch, bowls of ice cream, or stories about life are you losing in the name of work that never ends? Put down the iPhone (after you finish reading this blog, of course) and go outside. Life is so much bigger than the next project. In the spirit of one of my favorite passages from the Tao Te Ching:

"Fill your bowl to the brim

and it will spill.
Keep sharpening your knife
and it will blunt.
Chase after money and security
and your heart will never unclench.
Care about people's approval
and you will be their prisoner.

Do your work, then step back.
The only path to serenity."