On Values

So, from the frozen Intermountain West, I've finally joined the bandwagon of this most blatantly narcissistic of online activities, projecting a stream of my consciousness into the blogosphere for the pure enjoyment of seeing my own disorganized thoughts on a webpage. I confess that I intend to use this space, and this inaugural post, to sort out the messy issues that I know cause me mental discomfort, and I suspect that I'm not alone.

Since moving to Utah in August of 2008, several important developmental issues have come into my daily awareness. More than anything, this phase of my life has been marked by uncertainty. I often feel that I'm going through another adolescence of 'storm and stress,' as my developmental psychological brethren will recognize. This period of ambiguity has highlighted an issue that I believe resounds with many twenty-somethings in contemporary America: Unclear values.

Most of you that know me know that I consider myself to be somewhere in the agnostic range on the religious spectrum. That is to say, I know that I don't know, and all theologies seem to me equally reasonable and absurd. I was reared in hellfire and brimstone Pentecostal church (probably the reason I identify now as agnostic). While I certainly enjoy the freedom to explore my spirituality and experiment with alternative conceptualizations of the world, I miss the certainty of religion. There are many days that I long for the sense of knowingness that comes with devout religiosity. Before my agnosticism I had very little doubt where my values were. Being the God-fearing Protestant that I was, I knew that my hard work would pay off in eternal salvation. I knew that what mattered was dedication and commitment to earning a living, providing for a housewife, and giving proper structure of 2.5 children. Religion takes the guesswork out of values. All one must do to know one's position on a particular issue is consult the myriad televangelists and biblical 'references' to said issue or meditate on WWJD.

In contrast, if there is anything my adult-adolescence has done, it is to cultivate a sense of disconnection from black-and-white answers. I increasingly find myself in situations of competing values. As our society and generation becomes increasingly areligious, our values are becoming even more nebulous. In my line of work/life, I bump into values on a daily basis. Whether it be my own or those of others, I am bombarded by differences in values and this bombardment is the source of much introspection. Once we've abandoned the nest of circumscribed and divinely-ordained values systems, how do we begin to examine and define those that must replace what we knew?

Our generation has embraced many media-endorsed values: Materialism, sexism, ethnocentrism, isolation, and self-deprecation, to name a few. We are force-fed that we 1) Do not make enough money to be happy, 2) Must make ourselves superior to all others to find happiness, 3) Will do so by subjugating someone else, 4) Are wholly alone in a cold and unforgiving society, and 5) Must be, talk, and display proper image lest we fall into social disfavor and marginalization. While clearly most would not openly espouse such unpleasant views of the world, we live them every day. We literally buy into our own enslavement because we can't find what really matters: Our values.

I don't bring this up as a sales pitch to religiosity. On the contrary, I think that we must endure our collective adult-adolescence to emerge healthy adults on the other side. As I sit in a community that culturally and openly opposes so much of who I am (a socially liberal, organic, bearded, cohabitating, veggie burger-eating, public transportation-taking apostate), I have hope that I will emerge with a clearer sense of how I'd like to walk in the world. I needed years to shed the small-mindedness with which I moved to college. I'm glad I've got a few more here to explore what matters. And while I often miss the ease having my values handed to me by a doctrine, I relish the challenge of redefining yet again the man that I am and the kind of partner, father, and professional I'll become. So I invite you all to try on some new ideas. Indulge in something or somebody unknown. Resist those waves that mean only to wear you down, and ride out the ones that take you to unexpected places.